To Live or to merely Exist

I try not to lie.

Weird words from a journalist.

That isn't exactly the slogan you'd expect under the masthead.

The Evon Chronicle
"We try not to lie"

Nowadays even that much might make some readers feel a little better. But for my own
part, my own life...I try not to lie.

I figured starting out that if I'm in the business of truth, I might as well live the life. That
way my path is flat and the course would be correct. Keep me away from those slippery
slopes, because they are out there, waiting for unprepared feet.

So in the spirit of honesty I will admit, I've been lying to you. Friends, family, Latvian
Photo lovers (that one really pains me), I have wronged you and I'm sorry.

Just simple lies, lies of omission.

But I did it mostly out of self preservation and a bit of courtesy and cowardice.SEE the slippery slope and beware!

People have secrets and that's okay, you shouldn't tell everyone everything. That would
be ridiculous and then MTV would come to your house and want to make a stupid show
about how you are a freaking moron whore.

But I haven't been saying what I wanted to say.

Writing started off as my catharsis in high school. I couldn't talk about anything real, my
throat just kind of closed up and only my hands would still work. So out the words
poured.

But for awhile I've only been letting little bits go in different spots. It felt like enough at
the time, but I think the water has just been continually rising behind the dam and if I
don't let more than a few bits out at a time I might wet my pants. Wait, that analogy
lost all its power. I'm a little tired...and have to pee.

I'm back and drained a little. So, writing omissions.

The sentence would be right there, with the cursor blinking impatiently behind it. As if to
say, "Did you really just write that? BLINK What if _______ reads it? BLINK
Delete it now. BLINK BLINK"

Well, in one of my random readings of Hunter S. Thompson I just kind of realized that he
didn't have any kind of filter on his brain. Lucky for him, he worked in a time where that
was okay, unique and actually a little bit necessary.

The world isn't the same. Now people share their every thought with the world, even the ones no one could possibly give a crap about. And I haven't even been writing about genuine issues.

So be warned, I'm saying what I want and what I feel from here on out.

Like or leave it, it'll be true.

"So we shall let the reader answer this question for himself: Who is the happier man, he
who has braved the storm of life and lived, or he who has stayed securely on shore and
merely existed?" - Dr. Hunter S. Thompson


Sometimes I don't feel like I'm actually living, just existing. It is awful, and I don't entirely know what I need to do.

Moving to Texas was the first real thing I've done in a long time. But I kind of already feel like I'm back in a routine.

After starting the driving one I have grown a taste for serial writing I guess.

Another HST quote to end this gibberish.

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." - Hunter S. Thompson